I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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