I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
