Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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