now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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