I look better un-naked...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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