Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
