Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
