You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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