Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
