I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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