I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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