I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
