Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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