Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
