No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
