So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
