sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
