remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
