Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
