I want to have your abortion
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize