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So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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