We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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