trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
two words...techno handjob
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on