Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...