i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts