It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.