Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.