its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
