Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
