If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
