Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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