I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
