I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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