Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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