I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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