One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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