No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
