dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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