I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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