sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
