my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
