There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
