if i can run in heels then i can drive
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize