I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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