so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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