everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
