You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
