Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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