Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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