Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize