He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at about main and main street
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
