i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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