I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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