so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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