He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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