i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
