We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
