I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize