I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Enjoy the penises
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
