Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
