It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
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woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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