i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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