Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
