I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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