I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
