Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
