This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
