I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
