There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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