She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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