dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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